Giles' Child
by Jonakhensu
Summary: Giles has a child he never knew about. Now Ranma is hitting Sunnydale. Buffy is not amused. Faith, however, is.
1. Looting

Own Ranma and Buffy I do not. Know it you do. Sue me you will not. As well, own Yoda I do not. This is set in a slightly AU Season Three of Buffy. Faith is less liked by the Scoobies, though she has not yet lost all trust in people.

"Good Lord," Rupert Giles, tweed-clad Watcher and librarian, exclaimed after reading one of the letters he had received in the mail that day. As he was currently in the school library with his charges and their friends, his outburst was immediately noticed.

The elder of his charges, Buffy Summers, reacted first, turning from the pile of demonology texts on the library table to ask, "What is it, Giles? Is there a new prophesy the Council just noticed, or something?" Prophesies are bad; they tend to kill people.

"Not this time," Giles replied, to the audible relief of all. "This is a purely personal matter, though it will doubtlessly affect all of you as well. I will not try to conceal the consequences of my past; I learned my lesson last time."

"Personal matter that will effect us all," Xander Harris mused with a grin. "Is this another demon from your ill-spent youth?"

"Fortunately, no," Giles assured the group. "This is actually from the time when I was recovering from my addiction. I may have had a few dalliances where we were not as careful as we should have been."

Surprisingly, to the others, Faith was the first to connect the dots, "So you knocked up some woman; what does that have to do with us?" The others had a flash of insight and gaped at the requisite mental images such a revelation provoked. While they tried, rather unsuccessfully, to find a happy place, the conversation continued.

"Yes, well. My past relationships aside, this will, indeed, effect all of us. I have just been informed that my child will be arriving in Sunnydale soon."

Willow snapped out of her imagery induced catatonia enough to ask, "Your child? Not your son or your daughter?"

"Yes, quite," Giles agreed. "The letter was intentionally ambiguous, using absolutely no gender-specific nouns. As I see it, this can mean only two things. Nodoka is either upset that I never returned her letters or called her, and she is getting her revenge by being as vague as possible, or she is trying to lessen any preconceptions I may have."

"Ooh!" Xander interrupted, an eager look on his face. "Let's make bets! I'm betting revenge."

"I think she's trying to lessen preconceptions," Willow stated firmly.

"I'm with Willow," Buffy agreed. Xander pouted a bit.

"Revenge," Cordelia decided, causing Xander's pout to vanish. "I mean, you totally should have called her or something at least once!"

Oz shrugged and replied. "Both."

"Considering where the fuck we are," Faith began, "It's definitely both. How much do we have to work with?"

Giles sighed, cleaning his glasses at the antics of the teens before him, before answering, "All I know is that my child's name is Saotome Ranma, and that he or she is Japanese. Therefore, Ranma is his or her personal name, while Saotome is the surname."

Buffy blinked and asked, "That's it? That's all we have to work with?"

"Unfortunately," Giles confirmed. "To make matters even more serious, Nodoka knows nothing of magic, demons, or Slayers, so Ranma is doubtlessly not prepared to survive on the Hellmouth. If at all possible, I would like to ease him or her into the reality of the world."

"Don't worry, Giles," Buffy reassured her watcher, "we'll find Ranma before anything can happen to her, or him, I guess." Buffy had obviously already decided that Ranma was female. After all, all foreign names follow the same rule: names ending in 'o' are masculine, and names ending in 'a' are feminine. We'll leave her to her delusions for the moment.

Much later that evening, Faith was on her way back to her motel room after a tiring patrol. After spending half the night waiting for a fledgling to rise, only for the blood in his mouth to have been from a bit tongue or something, and therefore not rising, she patrolled the warehouse area, still not finding anything to kill. Annoyingly, not finding anything made her more tired than fighting five vampires would have.

Hearing what sounded suspiciously like a fight, Faith grinned, feeling new energy fill her. It seemed her luck was looking up. Running towards the fight, Faith made it into viewing range quickly, only to stop so suddenly that she almost fell. Before her was a sight that stunned her enough that she could only say three words, "No fucking way."

Twenty vampires were surrounding a single person, a teenage girl by the look of it, wearing a red shirt and black pants, with only a street light for illumination. This was not what stopped Faith. It was the actions of the girl that gave her pause. "Come on, is that all you've got?" the girl demanded as she took down another vampire. Now that Faith took the time to look, she noticed that there were already three vampires on the ground, not moving.

The girl continued to leap, flip, and bend out of the way of the vampires' punches while almost casually beating them into the ground, in some cases literally, as a few impact craters showed. By now, seven vampires had fallen beneath the fist of the mysterious redhead and were unable to get up again, while the girl showed no signs of tiring. By the time Faith recovered from her shock enough to move, some five minutes later, all of the vampires were down for the count, and the redhead was looting them. "You might as well come out," the girl called over her shoulder in Faith's direction. "I know you're there!"

Faith started; Slayers were usually too stealthy for the average human to notice. Then again, this girl was no average human. Stepping out of the alley and into proper sight, she called back, "How did you do that?" She was not sure whether she was referring to fighting the vampires or detecting herself.

"It was simple," the girl replied. "They might have been stronger and faster than an untrained person, but they're no match for most of the people I fight, and had less skill than a barroom brawler to boot."

"Why are you looting them?" Faith asked, having never considered the idea before.

"Well, I'm going to be here a while, so I'll need money for food and a place to stay. Besides, they were trying to rob me, so they deserved it." Moving to a new body, she continued, "When you eat as much as I do, every little bit helps."

They weren't trying to rob you," Faith stated, pulling out a stake. "They were trying to eat you." Bending down quickly, next to one of the already looted bodies, Faith slammed the stake into its heart, dusting it.

The girl stared at Faith in shock and horror. "What the hell did you do that for?" she demanded. "How could you just kill somebody like that? Sure they were trying to rob me, but still."

Faith growled in annoyance, not liking the feelings the rant provoked. "That was not a person!" she shouted. "It was a demon-animated corpse! Go on, feel for a pulse. You won't find one. They're already fucking dead!"

"Fine." the girl muttered, reaching down to the neck of the body before her. There was no pulse. Surprised, she tried another body, and then another. Turning back to Faith, she asked, "What the hell is going on here?"

Unable to help herself, Faith laughed, "Hell's about right." Sobering, she continued, "Come on, I'll take you to Giles. He's better at explaining this shit, anyways."

"Giles?" the girl asked. "Rupert Giles?"

"Yeah," Faith confirmed. "Why do you ask?" She turned back and took another look at the girl. Now that they were standing at the right angles, relative to the streetlight, Faith could see the girl's Asian features. "You're Ranma, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. How did you know? I'm not supposed to marry you, am I?"

"Um, no," Faith began with a blink. "I don't think so, at least." She shrugged and added, "Wasn't really expecting to live that long, anyways."

"What do you mean you won't live that long? You feel perfectly healthy from here!"

Faith sighed sadly and shrugged yet again before replying, "I'm a Slayer. We just don't live that long. Look, Giles can tell you a lot more about it than I can. Help me finish looting and dusting these vamps, and I'll take you to him. Anything on them is going to go with them, so let's not waste it."

Ranma had to agree, figuring that she could figure it all out after meeting her biological father. Thus, the two girls left the scene of the fight with a total of well over $2000 and an armload each of watches, rings, necklaces, and other assorted jewelry; it is amazing what people will bury with their dead.. Faith even pried out a few gold teeth. Surprisingly, not a single weapon was found, not even a pair of brass knuckles. "What should we do with all of this, anyways?" Ranma asked, slowly slipping some of her swag into her sleeves for easier storage.

Faith stopped for a moment to consider their options. They could carry all of it into the library, where everyone would look down on it as stealing, well, maybe not Oz or Xander; they had their heads on straight, but Buffy would have a conniption fit; or they could... "Let's hide everything for now. Some of the others would have problems with us taking shit from vampires. We can pawn most of it off later."

Ranma nodded, and suddenly her hands were completely empty. "Let me have your stuff for now so we can go meet my father already."

"No!" Faith protested. "Why should I give my loot to you?"

Ranma sighed before explaining, "I'm not going to keep it. It's just that I can hide it more securely than you can, and I want to see my father, rather than just hear about him."

"Makes sense," Faith reluctantly agreed, "though where would you hide all of this crap?" Looking back towards the redhead, she finally noticed Ranma's lack of goodies. "Where did your shit go?"

Ranma smirked smugly and answered, "I hid it all."

Faith blinked before silently handing over her load of salvaged goods. Seconds later, both girls were empty handed. Suitably impressed by the display, she asked, "What else can you hide like that?"

"Well, I'm not very good at it yet," Ranma admitted, "so I can only hide my pack and about 100 pounds of small stuff before it becomes noticeable."

"Not very good?" Faith exclaimed in shock. "If that's not very good, than what is?"

"I know someone who carries at least a ton of weapons at all times, mostly chains and swords, but he also has some pole arms. I'm not sure, but I think he has a motorcycle hidden up one of his sleeves.

"A motorcycle?" Faith asked flatly.

"Yup, though I'm not really sure why. He can already run faster than a motorcycle could go, considering the traffic around Tokyo and all."

"He could outrun a motorcycle?" Faith asked skeptically.

"Well, yeah," Ranma answered, scratching the base of her pigtail. "Pretty much all of the martial artists in Nerima could run at least 30 miles an hour."

"You're shitting me."

"No I'm not," Ranma denied. "I could outrun a hungry pack of wolves while carrying several hundred pounds when I was twelve."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"Prove you can really run that fast," Faith demanded. "Right here and right now."

"Fine," Ranma sighed, giving in to the perceived slight on her abilities far too easily. "Bridal or piggyback?" she asked, confusing Faith. When Faith failed to respond in a timely fashion, she elaborated, "How do you want to be carried?"

"Why would I need you to carry me?" Faith asked apprehensively.

"Well, I don't exactly know where I'm going," Ranma admitted, embarrassedly scratching the back of her head, "So I need directions, and if you lead, I can't really use my full speed. I doubt you can run as fast as I can."

"Fine," Faith huffed. "I'll ride piggy back. It'll let me see where we're going better." That being carried piggyback required less trust went unmentioned or unnoticed, depending on the person.

"Make sure you hold on tight," Ranma warned as she crouched to make it easier for Faith to climb on. Faith scoffed as she attempted to make herself comfortable on the smaller girl's back. Perhaps being carried bridal style would have been less awkward, but it was too late to change her mind now. At least Faith would have no trouble holding on, what with her Slayer strength and reflexes. "Here we go!" Ranma shouted to give Faith a last second warning before she moved. Faith, despite her Slayer abilities, was not prepared for the acceleration from a standing start to, if she was any judge, at least 40 miles per hour in less than three seconds. If Ranma had not wrapped her arms around Faith's legs, her passenger would have been left behind. As it was, the only thing that prevented Faith's legs from dislocating was her Slayer constitution.

"Holy fuck!" Faith exclaimed once her heart started beating regularly again. "You call this thirty miles an hour? It's more like forty, at the very least!"

Still running, but not noticeably exerting herself yet, Ranma replied, "Yeah, well, I'm not very good with conversions. Besides, I'm faster than the others." That last bit was just dripping with smugness.

Fifteen minutes, twelve miles, and three drivers almost given a heart attack later, the two girls arrived at Sunnydale High School. Having thoroughly enjoyed herself after the initial terror wore off, Faith, still perched on Ranma's back, exclaimed, "That was fucking wicked! How did you get so fast?"

"I mostly got faster through some of the training exercises Pops used."

"Really? Can you teach me?" Faith asked, her eyes shining like a kid's in a candy store.

"Sorry, I can't," Ranma said apologetically. "I don't have a Teaching Certificate, or a Master Certificate, so I can't teach yet. Besides, I'd never use those training methods. Especially not with a friend."

"What's wrong with the training? It worked for you, didn't it?"

"Sure, Pop's ideas worked, but most of them could have easily killed me, or anyone else who tried. Being tied behind a train to improve speed and stamina isn't exactly safe."

"You're kidding, right?" When Faith noticed Ranma's face, she said, "You're fucking serious? Damn." Noting that they had been standing outside the school, in the dark, for several minutes already, Faith continued, "We should head inside; the others are probably still here."

"Okay," Ranma shrugged. Gesturing into the school, she added, "Lead the way." Thus, both girls made their way into the building, with the library as their destination.

The core Scoobies; Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles; were gathered around the center of the library, pouring over an assortment of books in a nearly futile hope of finding the signs for the next apocalypse before they occurred, when the double doors leading to the rest of the school banged open. "Yo, Giles!" Faith shouted, announcing her presence to the world, or, more realistically, to the library. "I've got some good news and some bad news 'bout your kid. Which do you want first?

Giles sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly before answering, "You might as well start with the bad news, Faith. It'd be better to not get my hopes up."

"Right," Faith agreed. "The bad news is that there is no way in hell you're going to keep Ranma 'blissfully unaware' about the supernatural shit and this fucking town; she already knows."

Giles sighed yet again. "I suppose keeping Ranma in the dark, as it were, indefinitely was a fool's hope. What, may I ask, is the good news?"

Faith grinned and pulled Ranma in front of her, showing the shorter girl off as though it were 'Show and Tell' in second grade. "Did I die and no one tell me?" she asked as a setup, "because Ranma, here, kicks vampire ass like you wouldn't fucking believe."

Ranma, for her part, weakly waved with one hand while scratching the back of her head with the other. "Um, hi? I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

Xander, after a not so brief struggle, managed to tear his gaze from the new redhead's chest to make eye contact. "Yo. I'm Xander. Nice to meet you."

Instead of introducing herself, Buffy demanded, "What do you mean by 'kicking vampire ass'?"

"What does it sound like I mean?" retorted Faith. "She's better than a Slayer!"

"Impossible," Buffy scoffed. "A normal human could never fight better than a Slayer!"

"Wouldn't say normal," Ranma muttered softly enough that only Faith could hear her, and even then it was only because of her enhanced hearing. "You people keep talking about a Slayer," Ranma commented, to the group as a whole. "What, exactly, is a Slayer?"

"Ah, yes," Giles broke in, being the most qualified to answer. "The Slayer is the one girl in all the world with the power and skill to hold back the darkness. To keep the vampires and demons from overwhelming humanity. Well, two girls now, I suppose."

"He left out the part where when one Slayer dies another is Called," Faith added bitterly.

"Called?" Ranma asked, confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"When a Slayer dies," Giles explained wearily, as this was the most depressing part of the Slayer spiel, "the Slayer Spirit, for lack of a better term, finds another Potential, and empowers her."

"Faith said something about not living very long. What did she mean by that?"

"The average life expectancy of a Slayer is 18 months," Buffy bleakly stated. "I lasted just over a year. Kendra didn't even last that long. I was lucky; Xander knew CPR."

"That's horrible!" Ranma exclaimed. "Why doesn't anyone help them?"

Giles coughed guiltily and said, "The Watchers' Council takes the phrasing of the Slayer description a little too literally. 'Stands alone against the darkness,' indeed. Xander, Willow, Oz, and even Cordelia have demonstrated how help increases the life expectancy and ability of a Slayer."

"Well, it's a Martial Artist's duty to protect the weak, so I guess I'll just have to help," Ranma stated resolutely.

"Who are you calling weak?" Buffy demanded defensively. "I am not weak!"

"Buffy, please," Giles tried, placatingly. "I'm sure she wasn't calling you weak." Faith had to bite her tongue in order to stop herself from laughing at Ranma's muttered comment. Unaware of the commentary, Giles continued, "She just said that she'd be helping you and Faith protect the normal people." Buffy continued to grumble, but she was being quiet enough for the others' attention to drift elsewhere.

"Um, Giles," Willow began hesitantly. "This is all very interesting, but it's late and I'm tired and we have school tomorrow so can we all just call it a night and continue in the morning when we're rested and awake and not tired?"

"She said all of that in one breath?" Ranma asked Faith incredulously.

"Yup," Faith confirmed. "Just don't ask me how."

"Yes, well, you do have a valid point, Willow," Giles admitted. "Ranma, I'm sorry, but I only just learned that you were coming this afternoon. As such, I have not had time to prepare a room for you. Will you be alright for the night?"

"Sure," Ranma shrugged. "I'll just camp out in the park."

The Scoobies just gaped, before Buffy exploded, "Are you insane? There's vampires out there! Do you want to die?"

Again, Ranma shrugged. "Well it's not like I can check into a hotel or something at this time of night. Besides, vampires don't seem that tough. Hell, even the Tomboy could have taken one of them."

"Yo, B, chill," Faith interjected. "My room's got two beds. Ranma can crash with me."

"Um," Ranma hedged, "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Fuck yeah, it is," Faith insisted. "We're both girls, so no problem there. 'Sides, we've got business to finish."

"Yeah, about that," Ranma began, "I'm not really a girl."

"Sure," Faith scoffed, "with tits like these, you must be a guy." At this point, Xander would have made a stupid remark, that would result in at least a slap, had he not been distracted by Faith groping Ranma to illustrate her point. "You ain't getting away that easy! Stop arguing and come on; I want some sleep."

"Please stop," Ranma whined, or, as she would call it, protested manfully. With a slightly lecherous grin, Faith gave Ranma's breasts one last fondle before complying. Throwing her hands up in defeat, Ranma relented, "Fine, I give. I'll stay with Faith tonight. But first! You all saw me try and tell her! Remember that!"

"Um, sure," Willow agreed uncertainly, a blush coloring her face. Behind her, Xander tried to discretely adjust his pants. He failed.

"Good."

"Right," Faith began," now that that shit's taken care of, me and Ranma are gonna go. Later." After a quick round of 'good night's, the two younger girls left, making their way back to Faith's hotel room.

After they were well out of earshot, the rumor mongering began. Giles started the event, quite unintentionally, by saying, "Ranma is definitely not what I was expecting, not that I had expectations, of course."

"There's no way she's human," Buffy declared. "Unless Faith's pranking us or something."

"I wouldn't put it past her," Willow sourly agreed.

"Buffy, Willow," Giles began, cleaning his glasses all the while. "There is absolutely no reason a normal human, if very highly trained, could not take out thirty vampires if he or she was extremely lucky and had the element of surprise. Ferociously unlikely, perhaps, but not impossible."

"Can someone as young as Ranma really be that skilled?" Xander asked out of honest curiosity.

With a sigh, Giles admitted, "I have never heard of anyone under the age of thirty being that skilled, though that hardly makes it impossible."

"So, assuming Faith isn't lying, I'm guessing demon," Buffy decided.

"Nah," Xander disagreed. "She's human. Might have a Primal in her or something, though."

"And why do you think that?" Buffy asked coldly.

Xander shrugged and answered with a self-depreciating grin, "She didn't try to hit on me." When most of your dates turn out to be of the demonic persuasion, it tends to become rather predictable.

"But what did she mean about not really being a girl?" Willow asked.

"She was admitting that she is a demon!" Buffy cried, sticking to her story.

"There may be other reasonable explanations," Giles tried, not quite ready to consider that his daughter might be a demon. That the idea that Ranma being a demon was a reasonable explanation speaks volumes about how Sunnydale relates to the rest of the world. That said, it is probably a good thing that Ranma had come from Nerima, where similar rationales abounded. To prevent any further arguments, Giles announced, "It's getting late. It would be best for you to go home and get some rest. We'll find out more in the morning."

"Fine," Buffy pouted. "But it'd better be worth it!" As Buffy's idea of 'worth it' was the confirmation of her unsubstantiated theory, she was bound to be disappointed. After returning the books to their proper shelves to maintain the appearance of a normal library, the Scoobies packed up and left for the night.

WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG

For those who remember The Holy Hand Grenade MSTs, those are long gone. Instead, I, with another author, have begun a Supremely Great Work. It should end as well as Herbert West's. The link is in the profile.


	2. The Crispy Rat

Welcome back, and thanks for all the fish. Reviews! I mean reviews! The improbability drive is down so I still don't own Ranma or Buffy. Weebee is the hoopy frood who is acting as my proofreader. Any Buffy bashing is for amusement factor only. And I am wearing my fire rat trench coat, there is a squirrel standing in front of me, and I have an Elder Sigil. I also have Kasumi standing by with the Borg shielding. That said, feel free to review. Now where did I put that towel…

--

In the seedier part of Sunnydale, two girls were approaching the dilapidated building jokingly called a motel. It would have been condemned years ago, had the building inspector not been eaten. As she entered Faith's room, Ranma could not help but incredulously ask, "You live here?"

"Yeah," Faith said defensively. "What of it?"

The redhead looked over the room quickly, her trained eyes picking up things even a Slayer would miss. The slight discoloring of the wallpaper, small scratch marks on the furniture, and other indications that all was not right in the room. "I've stayed in worse," Ranma admitted with a shrug. "It's a good place to crash for a day or two if you don't have any money. If you don't mind lice, fleas, rats, cockroaches, mold, and other annoyances. These places are never clean. And the staff can't be trusted."

"Yeah, so?" Faith asked, disturbed by the list of possible problems her room could contain, but still defensive of her not so chosen domicile.

"Well, we have money now," Ranma stated, dumping their loot onto the bed. "We might as well use it for something useful."

"We?" Faith asked, a strange emotion coloring her voice.

"Yeah, sure, I guess," Ranma replied, scratching the base of her pigtail. "If you still want me around, that is," she added forlornly.

"Why wouldn't I want you around? You're a lot more fun than the others."

"I told you, I'm not really a girl," Ranma reminded her. "Look, I'll go get some hot water, and I'll show you. Nobody ever believes me at first, even when they no about magic. At least not without a demonstration."

Faith replied, "Go knock yourself out," before turning to the paper that the hotel management had taped to her door. She started chuckling right before a shriek of feminine rage emanated from the bathroom. "What a time for the fucking water heater to break. Yo, Ranma! We've got a coffee pot out here!" A minute later, an annoyed, damp redhead stomped out of the bathroom, grabbed the coffee pot, and returned to the bathroom to fill it.

"This had better work," Ranma grouched as she poured the water into the coffee maker and pushed the on button. She waited expectantly for a minute. Nothing happened. After another three minutes and nothing happening, her patience gave out. "What is wrong with this thing?" she demanded.

"It worked this morning," Faith assured her shorter companion. "Maybe the cleaning people accidentally unplugged it?" A quick check showed that the coffee pot was plugged in. It also revealed the real culprit. Lying next to a gnawed power cord was a crispy rat. "Fuck, what are the chances of that happening?"

"Annoyingly high," Ranma growled. Now I'll have to wait until tomorrow." Getting ready for bed, meaning changing into a pair of boxers and an undershirt, Ranma continued, "Just keep in mind that I'm really a guy and don't do anything you'll hit me for later."

"Fine," Faith replied, also getting dressed for bed. Unfortunately, for Ranma, Faith preferred to sleep in the nude. When Ranma squawked a protest and stared determinedly into the corner away from Faith, the Slayer admonished, "Stop that! I'm not going to fucking beat you for seeing something you already have! Now go to bed; we've got to get up damned early tomorrow."

Resigning herself to the imminent beating for seeing Faith naked, Ranma rolled over in her bed and went to sleep, thinking of ways to avoid the pummeling. Perhaps the Crouch of the Wild Tiger would work, though she doubted anyone outside of Nerima would buy that one. If all else failed, there was always the Saotome Secret Technique. There was no way in hell that she was going to live with another abusive female, especially without an engagement to tie her there.

All too soon, the sun was rising in the east, sending light through there window, and the alarm clock was making the garish noise they are known for. Wait, the noise stopped. That did not take long at all. Too bad about the clock, though; may it rest in pieces. "Time to get up already?" Faith asked. "What the fuck? I just got to sleep!" Looking over at Ranma while she stretched, Faith noticed that Ranma was still sprawled out on her bed, fast asleep. An evil grin spread across the Slayer's face as a plan began to form. That is, it was a mischievously evil grin not an evil evil grin, as demonstrated when Faith issued her ultimatum, "Ranma, get up now, or I'm going to jump on you and tickle the shit out of you!"

Ranma snored a little louder, but otherwise made no response.

Faith's grin spread even wider, and she pounced. Oddly, to anyone that knows Ranma and her sleeping habits at least, the Slayer landed exactly where she wanted to: nose to nose, and on top of Ranma. Hands flew up and down Ranma's sides, tickling with Slayer speed. After only a few minutes, Ranma stirred.

As she awoke, Ranma immediately noticed one thing. She was in bed. With a naked female. This could mean naught but one thing: she was going to die. "Damn it, Shampoo! Get off me!"

Satisfied that her roommate was awake, Faith sat back. Her curiosity quickly overcame her, admittedly lacking, impulse control, and she asked, "What did you just call me?"

Ranma finally woke up enough to actually look around and take stock of her surroundings. "Oh, Faith. It's just you." Shivering slightly at what she had thought was happening, she explained, "Shampoo was one of the girls trying to marry me back in Nerima. She'd sneak into my futon nude. Akane always blamed and pounded me for being a pervert."

Faith couldn't help but blink in surprise. "She considered that perverted?" she asked.

"Apparently, being walked in on in the bath is also perverted," Ranma griped.

"She called you a perv when she was the one to walk in on you?" Faith asked, seeking clarification. At Ranma's nod of affirmation, she added, "That's fucked up."

Nodding her head in agreement, Ranma sat up and tried to stand, only to notice that Faith, still naked, was sitting on her legs. "Um, Faith? Could you get off me? We still need to get ready to go."

"But I'm comfy," Faith jokingly whined. Rolling off the redhead, she relented, "Fine, I'll get off. We are supposed to be at the school in an hour, I think." Walking over to the bathroom, she called over her shoulder, "I've got the shower first." With a naughty grin, she added, "Unless you want to share?"

Ranma was so shocked, she could only stare after Faith as she entered the bathroom; then she noticed that Faith was still completely and utterly naked. "Gah!" she squawked as she launched herself under the covers, still expecting the usual blunt trauma.

Faith poked her head out of the bathroom and laughed at the redhead cowering on her bed. "So you're not going to take a shower with me? It'd just be us two girls; what's wrong with that?"

"I turn back into a guy with hot water," Ranma shouted back.

"So?" Faith asked. "The damned hot water heater is broken. All we've got is cold water." Despite the truth of Faith's argument, Ranma did not join her roommate in the shower, instead waiting for Fait to finish before using it herself.

Once both girls were squeaky clean and dressed, they left for the school, stopping only at a diner for breakfast. The cook must have been a relatively good vampire, because any human receiving such a large order, at least outside of Nerima, would have had a heart attack. Both girls were quite satisfied with their $60 breakfast, paid for by the vampires fought the night before, as the food was of surprisingly good quality, and the place did not skimp on serving sizes. Both Faith and Ranma individually vowed to keep the vampire cook in the land of the slightly-less-dead.

Their hunger sated for the moment, the insanely powerful martial artist and the Slayer continued on their way to Sunnydale High School, arriving a full hour before the majority of normal people would be arriving. As the pair walked into the library, they heard Buffy whine, "But she has to be a demon!"

Giles rebutted with, "There is no evidence, save a possibly exaggerated story of her abilities, to support such an accusation." He noticed that the two girls, one of whom they were discussing, too late to safely change the subject, though he tried valiantly anyways, "Ah, Ranma, Faith, you're here. Good. I shall endeavor to prepare your room by tonight, so you can move in with me. Also, I've taken the liberty to enroll you here. You are a sophomore, correct?"

"Huh?" Ranma replied intelligently. "Um, yeah, I think I'm a sophomore. Why do I have to go to school, anyways? Faith doesn't go, does she?"

"Hm, you're right," Giles agreed. "I'll register Faith as well." If glares could kill, Faith would have reduced Ranma to her constituent sub-atomic particles right then. Luckily, for Ranma, most glares are incapable of killing anything.

"Thanks a lot, Ranma," she groused. "He hadn't noticed until you fucking told him."

"Hey, don't blame me!" Ranma shot back. "I was trying to get out of it!" Turning back to Giles, Ranma added, "No offense, but I already told Faith I'd stay with her and try to find a better place to stay than her motel. It's not really a good place to crash for a night let alone live in."

"Yes, well," Giles replied, employing his British stiff upper lip to the fullest, "if you truly feel that way, perhaps we can find some other arrangement."

"Wouldn't a three bedroom house work?" Ranma asked herself, though no one paid it any mind.

"So what type of demon are you?" Buffy impatiently, and rudely, asked.

"I'm not a demon!" Ranma protested hotly.

"Ha!" Buffy cried. "She denied it! She must be trying to trick us!"

"B, she's not a demon," Faith stated. "She was with me the whole fucking night; I think I would have noticed."

"She's brainwashed you!" Buffy accused, finally pissing Ranma off enough to do something about it. While the others watched, Ranma vanished from view, only blurring to the Slayers, and, suddenly, Buffy collapsed, only to be caught by Ranma and lowered to the floor.

"What did you do to Buffy?" Willow demanded.

Ranma shrugged. "She was being annoying, so I made her stop. She should wake up before class."

"Yes, quite," Giles replied, while cleaning his glasses. "Was that entirely necessary? You do know that she'll use this as evidence of you being a demon, correct?"

"Yes, it was necessary," Ranma answered. "That was the fastest way for me to shut her up without hurting her. Besides, if I wanted any of you dead, do you really think you'd be alive right now?"

"What, exactly, do you mean by that?" Giles inquired.

"I've been in battles that have leveled mountains. Do you really think two Slayers could stop me?"

"A crossbow to the heart would work," Xander opined.

"No it wouldn't," Ranma declared. "A crossbow bolt is slower than a thrown bandana, and I can already dodge those." At this point, only Faith really believed her. "Besides, what would you do with my body? My human body."

"If you're human, and not a demon, then what are you?" Willow asked. "Last night you said you weren't really a girl."

"I'm a guy, damn it!" Ranma hotly proclaimed, surprising everyone not named Faith.

"You are the most stacked guy I've ever met," Xander quipped with a perfect deadpan. It also earned him a smack on the back of the head from Willow.

"If you don't mind me asking," Giles began, "if you are, indeed, a man, why do you look like a young woman?"

"It's a curse," came Ranma's succinct answer.

"Being a woman is not a crime!" Willow declared, preparing to work up to a feminist rant. The good kind, not the psycho kind.

Before Willow's rant could commence, let alone gather steam, Ranma cut in with her explanation, "It is a curse when you're born male, raised to be a 'man amongst men' for sixteen years, and then fall into a cursed pool that turns you into a girl every time you get splashed by cold water, and you can't get any hot water!"

"It's true." Faith corroborated. "Neither of us has managed to get within three fucking feet of hot water since I met her!" The waitress tried to bring us water five times before we finally gave up!"

"That is unusual," Giles admitted, "even on the Hellmouth." After a moment of consideration, Giles continued, "Oh dear. It seems that I have erred in regards to your paperwork. I indicated you were female. I suppose you will have to attend as you are. I most sincerely apologize for the inconvenience."

"Why can't you just fix my registration?" Ranma demanded. "I don't want to be stuck as a girl again!"

"I really am sorry," Giles reiterate placatingly, "But the principal is nothing if not unreasonable. He would never allow it. Especially not while you look like that."

"He's a miserable little troll," Xander added. "And he likes making everyone else miserable, too."

"Why did you want me to come in this early?" a new arrival asked as she strode into the library. "If anyone ever finds out I came to the library this early, my reputation will be ruined!" Upon noticing Ranma, she stopped her self-centered whining and inquired, "Who's the new girl?" Before anyone could respond, she considered with her fashion assessment, "Her clothing's a little weird, Asian or something, but she makes it work, mostly because she's Asian. If her outfit wasn't two sizes too large and she wore a bra, then she'd pass inspection."

"Thanks, I think?" Ranma replied uncertainly.

"Yes, well," Giles began, after replacing his glasses, having once again cleaned them, "Cordelia, this is, apparently, my son, Ranma."

"Apparently your son?" Cordelia parroted sarcastically. "I think you need a stronger prescription, because your 'son' looks like a girl from here."

"It's a curse, damn it!" Ranma exclaimed in exasperation.

"Honey, that is not a curse," Cordelia explained, patronizing the younger girl. "That body is a blessing."

"She means that literally," Faith commented. "Real fucked up magic shit."

"Whatever. Just don't rub any of it off on me."

"Hm, yes," Giles began while heading to the door. "Now that the office is open, I'll register you, Faith, so you should be able to begin classes today with Ranma."

"Oh goody," came the youngest brunette's response. Giles, having already left the room, did not hear her.

"Why is Buffy on the floor? Cordelia asked, having finally noticed the blonde.

"She really pissed me off," Ranma stated.

"I'll admit that she really shouldn't have kept calling you a demon," Willow allowed, "but was that really necessary?"

"Yes, yes it was," both Faith and Ranma replied. Ranma continued, "She was calling me a demon, just because I'm a better fighter than a Slayer, according to Faith. I've never even seen a Slayer fight! She's just lucky I only hit her sleep point."

"How much longer is she going to be out?" Cordelia asked. "Snyder gives us enough trouble without Buffy sleeping through class."

"I hit one of the shorter lasting pressure points," Ranma explained. "So, she should be waking up right about ... now."

Right on cue, Buffy stretched and yawned. "Why am I sleeping in the library? I wasn't up that late last night."

"Apparently, Ranma knows the Vulcan Neck Pinch," Xander quipped.

"The what?" Ranma asked, not getting the cultural reference. Growing up in the wilderness will do that to a person.

"What did you do to me?" Buffy demanded, looking around for anything she could use as a weapon.

"You were being annoying, so I put you to sleep for a while."

"See, Giles? She really is a demon!" Buffy claimed, having not yet noticed that Giles was not currently present.

"Do you want me to knock you out again?" Ranma asked rhetorically.

"Ha!" Buffy scoffed. "You just got lucky."

"You know, if I really was a demon, and wanted to make you suffer," Ranma said slowly, "there are things I could do that are far worse than simply making you take a short nap."

"Like what?"

"Well, speaking purely from personal experience," the redhead began, "there's temporary paralysis, pain, permanently making you painfully sensitive to even lukewarm water, and making you as weak as a newborn baby."

"What do you mean by personal experience?" Willow asked.

"I've had each of those done to me within the last year," Ranma admitted. "The last two were the worst."

"If you're as weak as a baby," Faith started curiously, "then why didn't you have any problem carrying me?"

"I never said those problems were always permanent, or that there weren't anyways around the permanent ones," Ranma explained sagely. "You'd have to get me really mad to use any of those, though. I'd probably turn you into a boy or a pig or something first."

"See?" Buffy cried, pointing at Ranma. "She's admitting her evil powers!"

"Um, no," Ranma retorted. "Anyone could do that. All it takes is to get some special packets mail ordered from this certain Chinese company."

"Can we get off the fucking demon shtick already?" Faith asked impatiently. "It was amusing, for the first five minutes or so, but now it's just fucking annoying. B, Ranma is not a demon. She's really a guy with a curse that makes him a girl. Deal with it and move on."

"So she's a shape changing demon!" Buffy declared smugly. If it were not so close to class time, she would have been taking another nap right around then.

"I am not a demon!" Ranma shouted, now quite irate. "Anyone can get as strong as I am if they train for at least ten years using the most potent, dangerous training methods around!" With a wince, she added, "Pops was always a 'sink or swim' style teacher. Sometimes literally."

Before the argument could continue, and more than likely turn physical, Giles returned. "Ah, good, you're all here and awake," he began, observing that Buffy was awake and that no one had wandered away. "Both Ranma and Faith are going to be attending school here, so I want the rest of you to watch out for them. More to keep them out of trouble than to keep them safe."

"Hey!" both aforementioned girls complained.

"I have school records for both of you," Giles said flatly. "Ranma, if your records were not in Japanese, there is no way the administration would have allowed you to be registered, and that is based solely on what I managed to make out."

"I never started any of that!" Ranma protested indignantly.

"Be that as it may, you have been involved in more fights at school over the years than Buffy has since becoming the Slayer. Faith, you need to be on your best behavior. You are already on probation because of your history of beating up the sports teams. As it is, I had to use Buffy's recent success to get you in."

"There was a reason I was beating them up," Faith muttered sourly. "And I wasn't even a Slayer then."

"Yes, well," Giles replied, cleaning his glasses yet again. "Regardless, please refrain from any more unnecessary violence."

"A Slayer, refraining from violence?" Xander asked jokingly. "Somehow, I can't picture it." For that comment, he earned a smack to the head from Buffy.

"In any case," Giles continued, now pinching the bridge of his nose, "it is time for all of you to go to class. We'll meet here for more research, and Buffy's training, after school. Any questions?"

Seeing the question Ranma was about to ask in her eyes, Faith quickly said, "That's great. Can Ranma and I have our schedules?" As soon as the twin papers hit her hand, she was gone, pulling a surprised Ranma behind her.

"What did you do that for?" Ranma demanded once Faith had slowed down. "I had a question!"

"And I didn't want you to ask that question," Faith replied with an eye roll.

"But why didn't they mention your training?" the redhead asked anxiously.

"Look," Faith began. "A Watcher is only supposed to be in charge of one Slayer. Buffy was, and is, Giles' first Slayer. He doesn't have time left over to teach me, too."

Ranma's face set into a look of determination, and she replied, "Then there is only one thing to do."

"Yeah? And what's that?" Faith asked. "Kill Buffy? I don't think the G-man would appreciate that."

"Of course not!" Ranma exclaimed before realizing that Faith was only joking. "I'm going to call Pops. I need to get permission to teach."

"Oh." After a second, Ranma's words actually registered. "Wait, what the fuck?"

"I need to get permission from the Grandmaster or Master of my style in order to teach," Ranma explained. "We'll show them what a Slayer can really do!" Mainly thinking to herself, Ranma added, "I should probably ask to unseal and teach the Senkens as well."

"The Senkens?" Faith asked, now highly curious.

"Don't worry about it yet. You'll find out soon enough if I get permission, and it won't matter if I don't," Ranma said with a shrug. "And we should talk more later today. We're at our first class, and we probably shouldn't mention any of this to them."

"Damn it," Faith muttered. "You're right. Let's get this over with." With that said, both new students entered their classroom.

--

FINIS


	3. The Soup

I still don't own Ranma or Buffy, so please don't sue. This is all done in the spirit of fun. And llamas. Anyways, say hello to the first major OC. The Buffy bashing, which I maintain was intended as humorous rather than malicious, should be just about over after this chapter. My appreciation goes out to Weebee for transcribing a good portion of this. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to floss. Review! I mean review, damn it!

--

After a few classes that neither Faith nor Ranma had any use for, they found themselves in one of the most laughably pointless, to them, classes in the school: Phys Ed.

"All right, ladies," the stocky teacher barked. "Today you are going to climb this rope. Once you are done, or give up, you will be running the track for the rest of the period. Got that?"

"Why are we bothering with this?" Ranma asked in an aside to Faith. Unfortunately, she spoke a little too loudly.

"Do you have something to share with the class, Ms. Saotome?" the teacher said condescendingly.

"I don't see why I should do this exercise," Ranma admitted.

"So you're saying you won't climb a little rope, is that it?" the teacher sneered. "You won't make it long here with an attitude like that."

"That's not it," Ranma protested. "I just wouldn't climb a twenty foot rope. It'd be easier for me to just jump."

"It would be easier to jump twenty feet, straight up than to climb the rope?" the coach asked incredulously.

"Well, not easier, I guess," Ranma replied. "But it would be faster."

"And I suppose you also have a problem with running the track?" the teacher asked, only partially sarcastic.

"Well, it is a little too small for me to run full out," Ranma surmised. "Though I guess I could use the turns to practice high speed maneuvers."

"As interesting as this is," the teacher, who was also the coach for the women's track team, began, "I'm sure you understand why I can't just take your word as the truth. You're up first. Reach the top however you like, then go run the track."

"Alright," Ranma agreed before jumping, with the barest bend of her knees, to the top of the beam holding the rope up. Landing back on the ground, she began walking away, before turning and calling back, "I'll be on the track if you need me."

After a moment of gaping, the coach, currently thinking of finally winning a track meet, turned back to her class. Now somewhat subdued, she asked, "Does anyone else want to follow Ms. Saotome?"

Shrugging, and figuring she had no need to hide with Ranma around, Faith raised a hand. "I'll give it a try." At the coach's gesture to continue, Faith went up to the rope and took a crouched position before leaping. As her upward momentum dwindled, Faith grabbed the rope at about fifteen feet, in what was a ten foot vertical leap, and shimmied the rest of the way up. Calmly dropping back down, she told the teacher, "I'll join Ranma on the track."

After Faith had left the group for the track, a third girl timidly stepped forward. "I'd like to try as well, Mrs. Kowalsky."

"Are you sure, Ms. Spencer?" the coach asked. "Your previous attempts have been anything but spectacular."

"I'm sure," the girl replied. "I don't have to worry about being the biggest freak here anymore." Not giving her teacher time to respond, she made her way to the rope. After brushing her blue, obviously dyed, hair out of her face so it wouldn't obstruct her vision, she took her leap. She caught the rope at roughly the halfway point, a respectable five feet, and easily climbed up the rest of the way. Instead of hopping back down, she allowed herself to slide down the rope. "I'll just join the others on the track." Quickly turning, Ms. Spencer hurried to the track, her blue belt twitching occasionally.

Seeing the bluette coming towards the track, Ranma signaled across the track to Faith, motioning her to slow down slightly so that they could converge on the new girl's position. Whether Ranma's abilities in silent communication were effective or not was immaterial, as the end result was the same, even if Faith might have come up with the same idea on her own. As they came up next to the girl, after several more laps, they matched her pace on either side of her, so that they could talk. Ranma opened the conversation by bluntly asking, "So, what are you?"

"What?" the bluette squeaked, tripping over her feet. If not for Ranma catching her, she would have fallen.

"What are you?" Ranma repeated before clarifying, "You're definitely not human." After a second, she added, "At least not completely."

"How- how did you know?" the now terrified girl asked, "Are you the Slayer?"

"Nope," Ranma replied.

The girl nearly sagged in relief, "Oh, good, for a moment there, I was-"

The poor girl never got to finish as Ranma completed her former statement, "She is." Pointing at Faith only made it more blatantly obvious as to whom Ranma was referring.

"Eek!" the not-exactly-human girl squeaked, at a pitch barely within a human's audible range. A normal human's, at least. Once again, she was caught by Ranma before she could hit the gravel of the track. "What are you going to do to me?" she asked Faith fearfully.

"Well, that depends on what you are," Faith stated. "I don't believe that shit about all demons being bad and all humans being good that the Watchers try to feed us, at least in their shitty handbook. It also says that a Slayer should be willing to give her life, even if it's pointless."

"Really?" the girl asked, suddenly far more cheerful. "I'm half Nezumi, on my father's side. And my mother was an Amazon."

"That explains the blue hair," Ranma exclaimed. You don't follow their laws, do you?"

"No, I don't," the half demon replied with a shake of her head. "Mom got exiled for marrying Dad. How do you know so much about the Joketsuzoku, anyways?"

"I had to deal with both the kisses," Ranma mumbled.

"How could they use both on…" the girl trailed off before asking, "Jusenkyo?" At Ranma's nod, she asked, "So, what are you really? A boy or a girl?" Through some coincidence in timing, at that exact moment the sprinklers decided it was time to water the grass, soaking all three girls. Back in the school, the computer geeks who had hacked the automated sprinkler system gave each other high fives; one of the three girls was sans bra, positively making their month. "Never mind. Oh! I'm Jenny Spencer."

"I'm Faith, and this is Ranma," Faith said, introducing her self and her friend. Funny, she could not remember the last person she had applied that label to. "We'll have to check out your story, okay? Not that we think you're lying, but we have to be sure."

"That, and we need to tell the other Slayer to leave you alone, too, Ranma added.

Jenny's eyes grew to humorously large proportions as she squeaked, "There's two now?"

"Don't worry about it," Faith suggested. "Besides, we can't talk about it anymore. The rest of the class finally decided to join us."

"Wait a minute," Ranma began, as something dawned on her. Switching to a safer topic, she asked, "If your mom's an Amazon, why aren't you better at the Art?"

Jenny shrugged. "Despite what you've seen, not all Amazons are warriors; Mom's a blacksmith. She still practices some, like all Amazons do, but it's only to keep in shape. And, while I can use pretty much any weapon, somewhat, I don't really like fighting. Mom, Dad, and I all think it comes from my Nezumi side."

They had managed a few more laps in relative silence until Faith said, "Hey, I think the class is over. We have lunch next, right?"

"Yeah," Ranma agreed. "Good thing, too; I'm starving."

"Well," Faith continued, "I figure this is the best time to visit Giles, so Buffy won't Slay Jenny unless we have to." At the mention of Slaying, Jenny gulped nervously.

When the rest of Faith's comment sunk in, Jenny incredulously asked, "Giles is a Watcher? But he's so nice! He even found several books for me when there was a bunch of other people in the library."

"Was one of these people a very short blonde with reality problems?" Ranma asked grumpily.

"Yeah, I do remember her," Jenny said. "Though I'm not sure about that last part."

"Ranma's just mad that Buffy keeps calling her a demon," Faith confided.

"Just because Faith says I fight better than a Slayer…" Ranma growled.

"Better than a Slayer?" Jenny parroted in shock.

"Yup, I watched her take down like fifty fucking vamps without even trying," Faith confirmed.

"Oh, look, we're at the library," Ranma said quickly, wanting to change the subject, still not completely accepting the act of dusting vampire, even though she knew it was necessary. "Let's go talk to Giles. I want to get to eat as soon as possible."

"You would, Faith teased. Walking into the library and making sure no one was in the general area, she called out, "Hey, G-man, we've got a question for you!"

"Faith, did you have to pick up that infernal moniker from Xander?" Giles asked. When he saw three girls, rather than the expected two, he blinked and asked, "Ranma, Ms. Spencer, what can I help you with?"

While Jenny just blushed, Ranma answered, "We need some information about Nezumi."

Giles commenced with cleaning his glasses after looking over the girls. "Ranma, Faith," he began as he subtly gestured towards Jenny and asked, "Are you sure this is the best time?"

"Considering Jenny's using her tail as a fucking belt, I'd say so," Faith replied. At Jenny's shocked look, she commented, "You really thought we'd miss it twitching?"

"You use your tail as a belt?" Giles asked, looking for confirmation.

Jenny just shrugged and answered, "I have a four foot long tail; what do you think I'd do with it? I'm just glad most people in this town are oblivious, or changing for gym would be a nightmare."

"I can imagine," Giles agreed. "Now, let me just check the ENCYCLOPEDIA OF COMMON DEMONS OF ORIENTAL ORIGION." After taking out a horrendously large book, he began flipping through the pages. "Ah, here we are," he began once he found the correct page. "Nezumi are rodent-like humanoid demons. While proportionately stronger than a human, it is not by a significant degree. Nezumi, like rats, are very hardy and are among the best survivors in the world. While by no means pacifists, Nezumi try to avoid violence wherever possible. Except for the occasional plague bearing parasites, Nezumi pose no more threat to humanity than humans do." Closing the book, Giles asked, "Did that answer your questions?"

"Yes!" Jenny cried. "Now you won't Slay me!" Somehow she managed to glomp onto both Ranma and Faith in her excitement.

"Your mom taught you this, didn't she?" Ranma dryly asked.

"How did you know?" Jenny asked, letting go of her new friends.

"Experience."

"Now that that's taken care of," Faith began, "let's go to the fucking cafeteria, so we can get some food!"

Everyone agreed, so the three girls made their way to the cafeteria in search of food. After Ranma handed Faith a twenty, they joined Jenny in the line. "Oh!" Ranma exclaimed, "They have soup!"

"Don't bother," Jenny suggested. "The soup here is always nothing but broth."

Ranma blinked and asked, "Who said anything about eating the soup?" Gesturing towards her chest, she continued, "I've been like this for over a day. If I can change back, even if it's only for a few minutes, I'm going to."

"If it means that much to you, go ahead," Faith shrugged. That matter settled, the girls proceeded to purchase lunch, with only Jenny spending less than fifteen dollars.

"Come on," Jenny urged leading the way, "I'll show you where I usually sit."

The two girls obediently followed the half-Nezumi, curious about where she sat. While they were walking, somebody suddenly pushed his chair back, knocking into Ranma and causing her to fumble her tray. Acting quickly, she managed to save each and every food item, except for one. The cup of soup eluded her grasp and splashed over someone who was most definitely not Ranma. "Sorry about that," Ranma began before noticing who got splashed.

Buffy was most displeased. There she had been, innocently eating her lunch when Ranma, who was quickly becoming the bane of her existence, had spilt soup on her, ruining her new shirt. "What is wrong with you?" She demanded angrily.

"Eep!" Jenny squeaked, now recognizing the blonde as the other Slayer, and hid behind Faith. Faith, for her part, was feeling rather amused by the whole incident, and was glad she had not gotten splashed as well.

"Oh, hey Buffy," Ranma replied, not feeling quite as remorseful anymore. "I got bumped. I barely managed to save my lunch as it is."

"Then what was the soup for?"

Faith jumped in to answer this time, giving Ranma's breast a poke for emphasis, which earned her an annoyed glare from the redhead. "She wanted to use the soup, but her hot water avoidance thing is still working and shit." That said, Faith gently, if quickly, lead Jenny and Ranma away, as the argument Ranma and Buffy were about to start would draw far too much attention. After all, there was no need to give Snyder more stones to throw. "Come on; let's get to your normal seat, Jenny."

The mousey girl nodded her agreement and led the trio over to one of the more out of the way tables. The girls managed to have a quiet meal, devoid of such annoyances as over-zealous suitors or loud rivals. All in all, Ranma was quite happy with the choice of seating.

After eating, which had left Jenny gaping at Ranma's speed, Jenny, faith and Ranma left for their afternoon classes. Neither Faith nor Ranma saw the point of taking any of these classes, either. It was even worse for Ranma, however, because she missed the entire educational background needed to appreciate English literature. Having been around Kuno for any amount of time only made matters worse.

Finally, after another few hours of educational torture, the school day ended. Both Ranma and Faith were coaxing Jenny towards the library, as she was still very nervous about meeting the Slayer, or at least any Slayer other than Faith. "Are you sure I'll be safe?" She asked nervously, looking back and fourth between the other two girls.

"You'll be fine," Ranma asserted. "We'll be next to you the entire time."

"But what if they shoot me?" Jenny worried. "You know they have crossbows."

"With enough warning, I can catch a fucking crossbow bolt," Faith said. "And Ranma is much better than me." It is a testament to the obliviousness of Sunnydale residents that none of the students they were passing by blinked, or really even noticed the conversation at all.

"Ah, excellent," Giles said as the three girls walked into the library. "Now, before we start researching and training, I have to ask, Faith, Ranma, why was the gym coach crying in the staff room about finally winning a track meet?"

Before either aforementioned girl could even begin to attempt to answer, Buffy interrupted. "What is she doing here?" She demanded, pointing at Jenny.

"And how did you find a belt to match the color you died your hair so perfectly?" Cordelia added. It is always nice to see someone who knows her priorities.

"It-it's not actually a belt," Jenny shyly admitted.

"What's she doing here?" Buffy demanded again, ignoring the on-going conversation. "We can't have random people coming into a Theatre Club meeting like this!"

"It's not a belt?" Cordelia asked. "What is it, then?" A tail?"

"Act-actually, yes, it is a tail." Jenny admitted.

Oz, having avoided notice so far, said, "Cool. Nice to see another lover of the tails." He earned a small smile with that remark.

"Giles," Buffy whined, "Why did you let them bring some random person with them?"

Giles, by this point, had progressed past cleaning his glasses to pinching the bridge of his nose. Tiredly, he replied, "Buffy, if you had been paying attention, you would have noticed that Miss Spencer is anything but normal."

"You mean…" Buffy began. With a lunge towards the weapons cage, she yelled, "Demon!"

"Hey," Faith snapped. "Leave Jenny the fuck alone!"

"Why are you protecting her? We're supposed to protect people from demons like her!" Buffy exclaimed.

"I-I'm a people," Jenny nervously protested. This caused the majority of the Scoobies to stare at her incredulously. Unlike the others, Oz merely raised an eyebrow. Nearly cowering beneath the weight of the combined stairs, Jenny finished, "On my mother's side."

Wanting to avoid another irrational outburst, Ranma tried to explain, "Jenny is a half demon. Her Mom's human."

"You can do that?" Cordelia asked, looking halfway between curious and disgusted. She was mostly ignored.

"So, are you evil?" Xander asked.

"No-no," Jenny nervously replied. "Besides, Dad is less violent than most humans; he's a good demon, really!"

"There's no good demon except a dead demon," Buffy stated, her eyes firm and resolute.

"Later," Oz said as he calmly made his way to the door.

After the door had closed, Ranma leaned over towards Faith, and asked, "What's his problem?"

"Werewolf," Faith replied succinctly.

"Heh, should introduce him to Mint, then," Ranma commented, not that anyone would have understood it.

"For someone who has never read the Slayer Handbook, and, indeed, ignores it whenever necessary," Giles began, drawing Ranma and Faith's attention back to the group conversation, "You quote it quite well."

"If all demons are bad," Willow started, "Then why didn't you stake Angel when you found out he was a vampire?"

"But he was a good vampire!" Buffy protested.

"A vampire is still a demon," Xander added with apparent glee.

"Buffy, please stop," Giles said, before the blonde could continue. "Like it or not, there are entire species of demons that are not regarded as threats. The Nezumi, including Mr. Spencer, are almost completely pacifistic, fighting only when absolutely necessary."

"Fine," Buffy pouted. Turning back to Jenny, she tried to make herself look more intimidating, which would have worked much better had Jenny not been flanked by Ranma and Faith. After a few seconds of this psychological assault, Buffy asked, "Are there any more demons and half-demons in the school I should worry about?"

Blinking in surprise, Jenny asked, "You can't tell?"

"Would I be asking if I could?" Buffy demanded rhetorically.

"But, both Ranma and Faith found me out," Jenny protested. "And they were only around me for half a day!"

With a twitching eyebrow, Buffy growled, "Just answer the question."

"I'm the only one," Jenny squeaked, shrinking back between Ranma and Faith. "I'm the only one I know of who wanted to go to school. You didn't notice the entire neighborhood of demons and all of their families?"

"I usually patrol at night, and nobody goes out then," Buffy explained. "So I haven't noticed."

"Could it be warded against humans?" Willow asked.

"Mom is a blacksmith, not a mystic, so she wouldn't know. Dad's even worse at magic than Romeo over there," Jenny said, pointing at Xander. "Honestly, casting a love spell, on the Hellmouth! One good thing about Nezumi that your book doesn't mention, we're pretty much immune to mind-altering magics. I was probably the only girl not chasing you during that."

"How powerful was that spell?" Ranma asked nervously. She had long ago learned that love created through artificial means ends badly.

"The girls were willing to kill each other or me to keep anybody but themselves from having me," Xander admitted with a wince. "It was not a fun day."

Ranma blanched completely at the thought. "You're lucky I wasn't here then," she stated seriously. "If I had been caught like that, it would've been a slaughter." She shivered as she considered what some of her techniques could do to an untrained person.

"You couldn't possibly be that bad," Buffy scoffed.

"If nothing was holding me back, and I was depressed enough," Ranma began seriously, "I could probably level this town in about an hour."

"As fascinating as it is to discuss the destruction of Sunnydale," Giles broke in dryly, "We still need to continue researching the next Apocalypse and work on Buffy's training."

"Speaking of training," Ranma interrupted before anyone else could, "Can I use the school phone to call Pops? I need to ask him about something."

"Okay, maybe I'm being a little slow here," Xander began, "but why do you need to call the G-man?"

"Huh? G-man?" Ranma asked before recognition set in. "Yeah, I meant the panda who taught me the Art."

"You call a panda Pops?" Cordelia asked. "I should have known you were a weirdo like these losers."

Ranma glared at Cordelia. "You try calling someone something for sixteen years and see how easily you can stop."

"True," Cordelia conceded. "Though that only makes me ask why you were raised by a panda in the first place."

"Raised by a panda?" Ranma repeated in confusion before comprehension set in. "Sorry, forgot you all didn't know. Pops, or Genma Saotome, is cursed, too. He becomes a panda with cold water, and since he's fat and lazy, we all just call him that."

"So you're still on speaking terms with him, then?" Willow asked.

"Well, yeah. I am his only student, after all," Ranma said. "And it's not like we hate each other."

"He's not mad about your mother cheating on him?" Buffy demanded.

"Mom cheating on him? What do you mean? It's not like they were together at the time," Ranma explained.

"So the man who raised you knew you weren't his?" Giles asked, lightly polishing his glasses.

Ranma thought for a moment before answering, "Well, Pops was never really any good at biology, so I don't think so." The library was silent for several seconds as everyone stood in shock.

"Look, that's not the point," Willow insisted. "Giles is your father. Shouldn't you be concerned about how he'd feel with you calling someone else 'Pops?' I mean, don't you think you should get to know your father better?"

"Well, sure," Ranma said. "But it's kind of hard to jump right in, you know? I mean the last time I was really enthusiastic about meeting a family member, she almost cut my head off." A loud crack was heard as the lenses of Giles' glasses broke under the pressure of his cleaning.

"Wow, I've never seen the G-man that upset before," Xander commented.

"He didn't break his glasses when he thought I was about to die," Buffy grumbled with a pout.

After a few moments of silence, Faith asked, "So, Ranma, don't you have a phone call to make?"

"Right," Ranma agreed. "So, Giles, can I make that phone call now?"

"Yes, I suppose that would be best," Giles said from where he was currently retrieving padding to wear. "You can use the phone in my office."

"Thanks, Giles," Ranma called back as she made her way to the telephone. Faith and Jenny followed her into the office. A very long series of numbers and a short wait later, Ranma began her conversation. Unfortunately, for the others, Ranma's call was completed in Japanese, so it was incomprehensible to them.

"Wow, she seems rather frustrated," Jenny commented a few minutes into Ranma's phone call.

"Of course she is," Faith replied. "Who starts a fucking conversation with 'Growlf?'"

After another few minutes, Jenny squeaked, "Saffron? Did she just say Saffron?"

"Yeah," Faith agreed. "She said Saffron. What's so fucking important about that?"

"The only Saffron I know of is from a story my mom told me about her homeland. I hope Ranma's not talking about that Saffron."

"We'll just ask her about it when she's done with her phone call," Faith decided. Only moments later, both girls were shocked when Ranma started yelling into the telephone. Even more surprising was when Ranma growled, placed the phone on the ground and groveled before it, on hands and knees. Three minutes of apparent begging later, Ranma stood back up and muttered something into the telephone, before saying something else in a much lighter voice and hanging up.

"What the fuck was that about?" Faith asked when Ranma rejoined the two girls.

"Why were you bowing to the phone?" Jenny asked only a second after Faith started her question.

"Oh, that?" Ranma asked. When the girls nodded, Ranma sighed and answered. "Pops wouldn't give me permission to teach or unseal anything if I didn't perform the Crouch of the Wild Tiger for him."

"Okay," Faith began, "I have no clue what the hell that meant, and I don't think I want to know. So, what can you teach us?"

"Almost everything," Ranma stated, a gleam in her eye. "I can teach you the Saotome School, and the Umi Senken; I just can't teach the Yama Senken, though I can use it. Pops is mailing over the scrolls right now, along with my teaching certificate."

"Sweet mother of fuck, that's great!" Faith exclaimed.

"Ranma," Jenny asked nervously, "Who was that Saffron you talked about?"

"He's the bastard that made me a warrior," Ranma stated, her voice completely void of emotion.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Faith asked, surprised at Ranma's sudden mood swing.

"A martial artist defends people by defeating the threat," Ranma stated. Oddly, the air temperature in the room seemed to be dropping quite rapidly. "A warrior defends people by removing the threat, killing it if necessary. Just because Saffron came back to life doesn't change the fact that I killed him."

"Ju-just how strong are you?" Jenny asked, somewhat awed.

"What do you- oh, right, Amazon."

"What are you two talking about?" Faith asked, by now thoroughly confused.

"Saffron is a phoenix god," Jenny stated.

"I'd love to claim I killed a god, but I don't think he is," Ranma commented with a shrug. "And he wasn't even at his best. Besides, I bumped into a goddess before; she was much more powerful than Saffron. She kind of reminded me of Kasumi; I mean, her tea was great."

Jenny glanced at Faith, who looked like she should have the word 'Tilt' written in her eyes. Gently, she led Faith the out of the office followed closely by Ranma.

"Did you're call go well?" Giles called as he blocked another of Buffy's blows. As she continued her attack, he was forced to give ground.

"Well, it'll take a few days before my teaching certificate arrives," Ranma started, "so we're only going to work on the basics until it gets here. Then, we're going on a training trip."

"I'll have to get permission from my parents," Jenny said. "And they'll probably want to meet you first."

"You sure you want to join us?" Ranma asked.

"Yes I do. I might not like fighting, but I still want to protect myself and others," Jenny enthused.

"All right," Ranma agreed with a nod. "We need to find a better place to practice; not enough room in here." Turning toward the Scoobies, who were watching Buffy train while pretending to research, she said, "Anyone who wants to learn to fight, come with me!" Only Giles gave any sign of acknowledgement, a brief look over his shoulder and a nod. Said nod caused him to be hit in the head, as his attention was momentarily diverted.

--

SPOOOORK!

There was an error during the typing process that I would like to thank Essai for alerting me about. It was a combination of dictating from prewritten material (it said Ranma, not Buffy), my proofreader thinking it made sense, and me not assigning much value to names, so I missed it during my proofreading.

--

OMAKE by Weebee.

"Yes, I suppose that would be best," Giles said from where he was currently retrieving padding to wear. "You can use the phone in my office."

Ranma nodded, starting for the door to Giles' office before what she'd just seen registered. "Um, Giles, why are you holding a giant padded bra?"

Giles looked back at Ranma oddly, and then straightened his glasses with the hand that wasn't holding the aforementioned item. "Didn't your mother tell you? This is how we met."


	4. The Bubble Bath

Chapter 4: The Bubble Bath

I still own nothing, other than Jenny, and now Lucille, who will be introduced later this chapter. On that note, I'd like to mention that this story is following Faith and Ranma, not the Scooby gang, which is two years ahead, academically. As such, new characters are needed, thus we have OCs. Moving past that, we come to the whole Buffy bashing issue. That, quite honestly, was me trying to be funny, I'll be rectifying that in coming chapters. That said, I can guarantee that there is absolutely no Buffy bashing in this chapter, and anything you perceive as such is supported in canon. I'd like to thank Gsteemso for beta reading this. Now, on with the fic!

--

The three girls left, in search of a suitable training ground, leaving the Scoobies behind. If they wanted to sit around watching one person train, then so be it. Faith, Jenny and Ranma, however, would use that time to improve themselves. Unfortunately, Sunnydale had very few places to train in as acrobatic a style as the Saotome School.

"Hey, Ranma," Faith asked as they wandered into the industrial area, "what the fuck are we actually looking for?"

"We need a large area that has a lot of room for jumping, and can't be seen from the outside," Ranma explained.

"Would an abandoned warehouse work?" Jenny asked, pointing to an out of the way warehouse, complete with boarded up windows.

Looking the structure over, Ranma made her decision. "That'll do." The three girls made their way to the building's main entrance, where both Faith and Ranma froze. "Damn," Ranma muttered,

"Looks like we found us a damn nest," Faith stated, eyes shining with what could only be called glee. "Guess it's time to earn our keep."

"What are you two talking about?" Jenny asked.

"This," Ranma said, gesturing to the warehouse, "is a vampire nest. I'd say that there are at least as many as I fought last night. Faith and I are going to knock them all out and steal everything they have worth taking before staking them."

"You're going to what?" Jenny demanded, both surprised and horrified, with a little worry as seasoning.

"Slaying doesn't pay for shit," Faith admitted bitterly. "Ranma's good enough to knock out vampires without dusting them, so we take everything that'd turn to dust. You saw how much we eat, our food bills alone are going to cost a damn fortune."

"I suppose that makes sense," Jenny admitted. "While you go do that, I'll just stay here, in the sun, here it's safe."

"That's probably best," Ranma agreed. Turning back to Faith, she asked, "Do you have any extra weapons on you? I didn't think to grab any."

"Nope, I've only got one stake and my knife."

"Damn. Well, at least we'll see if a vampire dusts when it's heart is ripped out," Ranma mused with a shrug.

"You can do that? Jenny asked in extreme shock, her eyes bugging out slightly.

"Yeah, it's part of the Yama-Senken. The Dokuja Tenketsu Sho." The girls descended into an awkward silence.

After a few moments, Faith tested the door and found it to be locked. Turning to Ranma she asked, "What do you think, break the door down?"

"Nah, we don't want to lose the element of surprise," Ranma replied. "Let me see the lock; I might be able to pick it." Faith moved aside, and Ranma approached, pulling a set of needles from her bracers as she went.

While Ranma started working on the lock, Jenny asked, "Why do you know how to pick locks?"

"The Umi-Senken has another name, the 'Way of the Silent Thief.' " That one statement answered a number of questions, really. A few seconds later, Ranma was done with the lock, leaving the door slightly open while she returned her lock picks to their place in her bracers. "I'll go first," the redhead stated. Assuming a hunched, ghostlike posture she slipped through the doors.

The first room looked like an office building's reception area, which Ranma felt was odd, considering this was a warehouse. Still, there was a vampire sitting behind the receptionist's desk. Ranma froze, waiting for the vampire's reaction. A moment later, she heard the snores; the vampire guard was asleep at his post. Silently, Ranma crept up to the window and carefully slid it open. She then climbed through the window, marveling at how deeply the

vampire slumbered. One blow to the back of the neck changed sleep into unconsciousness, allowing the redhead to move on while Faith began her looting.

-

Faith entered the building five minutes after Ranma, to give her partner in crime — grave robbing might be the right term — time to clear the room. As Ranma had already moved on, Faith began her examination of the corpse, piling everything of value to the side. Since they were going to clear the building, not to mention her lack of a bag to hold anything, the pilfered items would be safe enough where she left them. Cash, on the other hand, was jammed wherever she had room, such as in her pockets, down her shirt, and in the sleeves of her leather jacket. Soon enough, she would have to sort the cash into reasonably neat piles, just so she could carry more. Some of these suckers had quite a lot of cash on them.

While she was enjoying playing with the money she was finding, some of the items were concerning, such as the switchblade and the brass knuckles that first vamp was carrying. She knew Ranma could handle a large group of unarmed vampires on her own, but what about an armed gang that wouldn't need to worry about hurting each other? Some of them might even have guns, and Faith doubted that Ranma could dodge bullets. Once all the valuables had been removed from the body of the reception vampire, barring any the vampire was hiding in places that Faith refused to check, the Slayer plunged her stake in to the corpse's heart, pulling back quickly to prevent it's loss.

-

As Ranma entered the next room, which was really more of a hotel's hallway than a room, she noticed that there were far too many vampires around to use just the opening stance of the Umi-Senken. Pulling a large, psychedelically patterned towel around her body, she faded from view. Acting quickly, she managed to either knock out or paralyze five of the eight vampires in the hallway before the others noticed anything. Breaking a vampire's back or neck did a wonderful job of slowing it down.

"What happened to Barney?" a vampire with a bowl cut that would have been Kuno-approved, had the vampire been female, asked.

"I don't know, Lou," a female vampire with her hair tied in surprisingly frizzy pigtails replied. "But whatever it was got everyone but you, me, and Harry already."

The bald vampire, Harry, looked around the room before asking, "You guys smell anything?"

"That's the smell of fresh meat, you nincompoop!" Lou yelled, giving Harry a slap upside the head.

"A human, here?" the female asked. After considering the idea for a moment, she added, "That would explain the heart beating over in that corner."

"Damn it, Mary," Lou yelled, "why didn't you tell us earlier?"

"I thought you knew about it."

Ranma, hiding in the corner Mary had pointed to, watched in shock while Mary, Lou, and Harry began slapping each others' heads. Deciding the vampires were providing a great distraction to themselves, Ranma slowly and silently advanced toward the trio.

Unfortunately, Ranma had overlooked one little thing. One of the vampires could hear her heart beating from across the room. Stepping away from the other two, who continued their slapping fight, Mary cocked her head, closed her eyes, and scrunched up her face, already in its demonic facade, in either concentration or constipation, Ranma couldn't really tell which. Unexpectedly, the vampire leapt straight at the invisible redhead with the cry, "Two Finger Blinding Strike!" Somehow, the vampire had guessed her target's height and position based on the position of her beating heart, as well as how Ranma was standing by the heart's orientation. Her attack was perfectly aimed, her hand a fist with index and middle fingers extended in a 'V.' Her attack was such a surprise that Ranma was left without any time to dodge.

Luckily, Ranma's hands were faster than a high speed camera at times, allowing her to bring a knife hand in front of her face to block. Faster than the vampire could blink, the blocking hand wrapped around her index finger. A quick pull from Ranma positioned Mary for a perfect thrust to the outside of the elbow, splintering the joint, before another yank pulled her in for a powerful head butt. Mary collapsed bonelessly as soon as her finger was released, unconscious. Ranma, figuring that stealth was now useless, dropped her Goshin Dai Ryusei Fu and faded back into sight.

"A wise guy, eh?" Lou grumbled when he saw Ranma. "Let's get her!" The two vampires charged, lunging at their redheaded prey. A second later, they learned why attacking cute girls who show no fear in the face of a charging vampire is a bad idea. That was the last thing they ever knew.

Shaking her head at the stupidity of vampires, Ranma opened the first door and slipped inside. A moment later, Ranma slipped back out of the room, blushing deeply, leaving another female vampire slumped in her bubble bath.

When Faith checked the room, she fell over laughing at the sight of an evil demon enjoying a bubble bath. Deciding she liked this vampire, and wanting something to watch Ranma practice on, she left the room to find some rope before binding the vampire, leaving her hanging upside down with her head underwater.

--

Out side the warehouse, Jenny was beginning to get nervous. She had been waiting outside for over an hour without any sign from Ranma or Faith. To make matters even worse, she had never seen either of the girls fight, so all she had was their word that they could take out a full nest without help, or even any weapons beyond Faith's stake, as a knife would be nearly useless. "Come on you two," she said quietly, despite the current absence of her two friends. "Please don't make me go in there to find you." Right before she could decide to either head home or to the library to get help, two figures emerged from the building. "Ranma, Faith, is that you?"

"Yeah, Jenny, it's us," Faith called back as the pair approached their friend.

"How do I know it's you and not two vampires?" Jenny asked cautiously, not wanting to be eaten.

Faith slapped her face into her hand and growled, "We were only in there for ninety minutes! It takes at least a fucking day to be turned!" 'Most of the time,' she added silently.

"And if that isn't enough," Ranma said, stepping out of the building's shadow and into the sunlight, "we aren't burning yet."

"Good," Jenny sighed in relief. "So all of the vampires are dead?"

"Well, not quite," Faith replied, surprising both Jenny and Ranma. "I left one hanging upside down in the tub. Figured Ranma'd need a test dummy for her pressure points or something. See if that shit works on vamps or not."

"Leaving the vampire for later," Ranma began, "we came out here because we thought you'd like to help us collect and sort the goodies."

"Yeah," Faith urged, "They had some cool stuff."

"You're sure it's safe?" Jenny asked nervously.

"No more dangerous than my old school," Ranma stated. Unfortunately, Jenny knew nothing about Furinkan and was thus mollified.

As the three girls walked back to the warehouse, Jenny asked, "So how are we sorting everything?"

"I guess we could sort the stuff into piles," Faith said. "I already grabbed most of the cash, but I couldn't carry it all, so it's in one of those water cooler bottle things. If we find any more, we should stuff it in there for now. Other than that, I guess we can sort the shit into piles. One for the better stuff we want to keep. Another for stuff to sell; might want to take care of those first, so we can have more cash when we buy the place. And the last pile would be for the crap we don't want and can't sell."

"Sounds good to me," Ranma said. Jenny nodded her agreement. "Just make sure to keep all of the doors open. I couldn't hear Faith until we met up earlier."

"What do you mean," Jenny asked.

"This place is set up like a fucking house, with all of the rooms soundproofed," Faith replied. "It's even got a full bathroom, including a vampire decoration, and a kitchen. One of the rooms even has a mini-fridge, though I haven't checked it out yet."

"Come on, let's go wake the vampire you left and see what she has to say," Ranma said with a slight blush. "But can we cover her up first?"

"Weren't we going to go sort the stuff you two found into piles?"

"Aw, where's the fun in that?" Faith asked, in reference to Ranma's question before answering Jenny. "Yeah, but this'll be more fun. Besides, I want to see if vampires get embarrassed."

"But she's not the only one who'd get embarrassed," Ranma protested quietly. She was ignored.

The three girls made their way into the bathroom and found a strange, amusing, and/or disturbing sight. The vampire was thrashing around wildly while trying to keep her head above the water. The overall result was the appearance of doing crunches. As she was about to fall back into the tub, again, Ranma caught her, allowing her to clear her lungs of the large quantities of water she had reflexively inhaled. "What the hell was that for you bitch?!" she screamed when she saw Ranma. "Wasn't knocking me out enough?"

"I didn't tie you up, you bloodsucking freak!" Ranma yelled back. "I don't even know why Faith didn't dust you like the rest!"

Faith shrugged and replied, "I thought she'd make a good lab rat. No offense, Jenny. Besides, what type of vampire takes a bubble-bath?"

"The type whose body has way too much influence," the vampire grumbled. "She, I, whatever, was a vegan, for puppies' sake."

"For puppies' sake?" Jenny parroted.

"Let's just go with 'I'," the vampire decided. "Yes, for puppies' sake. I was part of PETA as well."

"And why should we let you live?" Ranma demanded.

"I only drink blood that has been willingly given," the vampire tried. "Fine, look in the mini-fridge in the third room on the left. And don't forget to look at the expiration dates!"

Faith saw the expectant looks the other two were giving her and sighed. "Fine, I'll go check the damn fridge." After Faith left the room, the remaining people and vampire fell into an awkward silence.

Trying to break the silence, the vampire asked, "Are you going to cut me down yet?"

Ranma considered the options carefully, for all of five seconds before answering. "Nope." The redhead let go of the vampire, allowing her to fall back into the bathtub.

Pulling herself up out of the water, with another curl, the vampire asked, "Then could you at least drape a towel over me or something?"

"Fine," Jenny relented. "Ranma, hold her up again, please. I'll find her a towel." Ranma, now blushing at the reminder that there was a naked girl in the room, held the vampire up, allowing her to relax without falling back into the water. Jenny returned from her search with a large, terrycloth bathrobe. "This should work," she commented while closing the robe around the vampire's form, tying the sleeves around her to keep the robe from slipping.

"I'm back," Faith sang as she pranced into the room. "Aw, you covered up our vampire," she pouted. Holding out a plastic bag filled with a red substance, Faith announced, "She wasn't lying about the fucking fridge. It's full of hospital blood."

"That blood should be going to patients!" Jenny vehemently declared.

"Oh, please," the vampire snorted. "Look at the dates. That blood wouldn't help anyone."

"Yup," Faith confirmed. "None of the blood is more than five days from expiring."

"Old blood might not taste good," the vampire added, "but it still sustains me, even if I do need more."

"Now that we know you don't kill people," Ranma began, "why don't we start the real questioning."

"I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition," the vampire muttered. After a few moments of silence and blank stares, the vampire snapped, "What? Don't any of you watch British humor? That's it! If I'm still alive at the end of this, I'm going to tie you all down and force you to watch the entirety of Monty Python!"

"As far as threats go," Ranma opined, "I've heard better."

"It wasn't a threat!" the vampire screamed. "Monty Python is essential viewing!"

"Whatever, let's move onto the fun part," Faith said, pulling out a knife. "Let's start with your name."

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." After a few more stares, the vampire sighed. "You haven't seen the Princess Bride, either? Where where you raised? The wilderness?" After a beat, she added, "Oh, and my name is Lucile Smith."

"How did you know that I grew up in the wilderness?" Ranma asked, but was ignored in lieu of more important questions.

"How long have you been a vampire?" Faith asked.

"Oh, a year or two," Lucile answered. "Not worth keeping track when you'll either be dust in a matter of days or live for centuries."

"You seem surprisingly smart for a vampire," Jenny commented. "Were you sired as a Master?"

Lucile chuckled and replied, "Nope, my sire was just an idiot who accidentally made me about half way between minion and master."

"How many people have you killed?" Faith asked.

Lucile stared Faith straight in the eye and calmly replied, "I have never killed a living being, other than certain insects, nor have I fed off of a human, living or dead. Drank blood weirdos spilt into goblets, yes, but never directly from a human."

"Why haven't you?"

"I do everything I can to not kill people, and I don't know what would happen if I sank my fangs into someone who couldn't fend me off without leaving me as a pile of dust, so I avoid the temptation," Lucile explained. "As long as I don't kill anyone, I have the moral high ground against the Slayer."

"Fuck it," Faith decided. "Cut her down, Ranma. We'll just keep an eye on her."

"Sure," Ranma agreed, slicing the ropes supporting Lucile. "Besides, I haven't gotten a chance to see if ripping the heart out kills a vampire." Lucile gulped, even as Ranma lowered her feet to the floor.

"That won't be a problem," Lucile said as she straightened her bathrobe so that it would actually fit properly. "I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"Come on," Ranma urged, somewhat bored, "we still need to show Jenny the rest of this place." That said, the four girls continued their tour and looting expedition.

As they were looting one room, Jenny asked, "Why do you have a big screen TV and a pool table, but no beds?"

Lucile shrugged and replied, "Most of the vampires here cared more about entertainment than comfort. Hell, they didn't even get a couch! All I managed to get for myself was an old mattress."

"It's getting late," Jenny noted, taking a look at her watch. "I'd better get going. I don't want to be outside after dark."

"Alright, see you tomorrow," Ranma replied. "We'll be taking Lucile back with us to our motel room to keep her out of trouble for the night."

"Yup, wouldn't want B to stake her," Faith agreed.

"Don't I get any say in this?" Lucile asked.

"Are you crazy?" Jenny demanded. "Motels and hotels don't have any protections from vampires!"

"Yeah, I probably am," Ranma agreed. "At least I'm not as bad as a Kuno. Besides, I spent most of my life camping. We'll be fine."

"Not to pry or anything," Lucile began, "but since you're holding me captive and all, can you tell me who, and, more importantly, what you are?"

"Sure," Faith agreed. "It's not like it'll hurt to tell you. I'm Faith, the Slayer."

"What? No last name? And you can't be the Slayer. She's blonde," Lucile retorted.

"Faith is all you're going to get," Faith growled. "And there's two Slayers now. Didn't you get the fucking memo?"

Jenny shrugged, deciding to go next. Besides, she lived in the surprisingly safe part of town. "I'm Jenny Spencer. I'm the normal one here, which is weird, considering I'm half demon and all."

"I'm Ranma Saotome," Ranma said, finishing the introductions.

"And what are you? You're definitely not a Slayer," Lucile probed.

"I was raised as a martial artist," Ranma began, growling dangerously. "Now I am a warrior."

"Uh-huh," Lucile said, nonplussed. "And how does that make you stranger than the half demon?"

"She's really a boy cursed to become a girl with cold water," Jenny piped up. "She just hasn't been able to find any hot water today."

"Speaking of that," Ranma cut in, "why were you taking a bath with cold water?"

"Well, two reasons," Lucile admitted. "I like how a cold bath reminds me that vampires still have a body temperature; it's just really low. The main reason, though, is that the bastard who owns this place wouldn't shell out enough cash to get the water heater fixed."

"Damn," Faith commented. "Between the motel water heater, the coffee pot, the waitress dropping our coffee five times, the soup, and now this, it's getting fucking weird."

"I hate my life," Ranma muttered. "We'll see you tomorrow, Jenny." After Ranma had left, Ranma turned to Lucile and said, "You know you're our Guinea pig, right?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lucile demanded.

"We're going to see if pressure points work on vampires," Ranma explained. "So we're going to test them on you."

"Wait, what type of stuff are you talking about?" Lucile asked cautiously, already looking for a potential stake. Sometimes being dead is the best option.

"Don't worry. As long as you cooperate, I won't use any of the really painful ones," Ranma reassured her. "We'll stick to the paralyzing, sleep, and disabling ones, none of which are permanent."

"Oh, good," Lucile replied, relaxing.

"Do really good, and we'll keep the other Slayer away," Faith added.

"That's even better," Lucile replied. "She scares me."

"And I don't?" Faith asked with an obviously faked growl.

"Not as much as she does!" Lucile exclaimed. "I heard she sometimes tortures vampires before killing them! You just tied me up and asked me questions, and then it was cooperate or be dust after you use those painful pressure points on me. That won't hurt nearly as much as what that Slayer did with a cross!"

"And she tries to play all high and mighty," Faith growled.

"We even have a potential reward for you," Ranma added. "I want to see what Jusenkyo can do to a vampire. If you're very good, you might even be able to walk in the sunlight for a while."

"Walk out in the day?" Lucile asked. "That's the thing I miss most about being human. Do you really think it'd work?"

"Well, you could end up a vampire dog or something," Ranma hedged. "But it could work."

"So, what should we do until dark?" Faith asked.

"If we're going to buy the place and move in," Ranma started, "we might as well sweep out all of the dust."

"Might as well," Faith agreed with a shrug. "Luce, you get the outer rooms and sweep towards the back door. We'll take care of it here."

"If I do this, can I have my own room with a bed when you move here? You know, instead of a cage or something."

"Maybe," Faith replied. "Depends on how good you are." Lucile nodded her acknowledgment and hurried out of the room in search of the janitor's closet.

An hour later, the three girls had swept the warehouse clean, creating a rather large pile of dust just inside the back door. Oddly, despite having found three push-brooms, there were no dustpans. Looking at her watch, which she had retrieved while sweeping, Lucile said, "It should be dark by now. Can I put on some real clothes, what with you taking me to a motel and all?"

"Aw," Faith mock pouted, "but that'd ruin the fun!"

Ranma, having once again forgotten that the vampire was naked save for the robe, blushed. She said, "Go get dressed. Please. Then we'll go to the motel."

Lucile quickly left the room and headed to the room housing her personal possessions. Packing them into a travel ready bundle took only five minutes, most of which was spent emptying the refrigerator in the most practical way. As an added bonus, she should be able to go at least three days without feeding again. Once she had drained the last bag, she got dressed, adding her robe to the bundle, and headed back to Faith and Ranma. She was not going to attempt to escape, assuming that this was a test of her trustworthiness. Besides, she would never escape unnoticed, and anyone who can take out a nest of vampires that easily deserved respect and fear.

"You're back, good," Ranma said as Lucile returned to the back room. "Now we'll go back to the motel." She picked up the jug of cash and made her way out the door.

"And avoiding the other Slayer at the same time," Faith added. "I doubt B'd let you go. She only likes fucking male vampires." Considering Faith's typical idiom, Ranma assumed 'fucking' was being used as an adjective, not a verb, as it very well could have been. After all, who would willingly do anything intimate with a corpse or a ghost? All of her experiences with the like had been forced. Then again, Ranma's idea of intimate was a simple kiss, and, due to her spotty school attendance, the mechanics of further intimacy eluded her, despite Shampoo's most enthusiastic efforts.

"I could always put her to sleep again," Ranma commented, "though it'd probably get everyone mad at me."

"Um, what?" Lucile asked.

"Not important," Faith stated. "Let's just get to the damn motel." Ignoring Lucile's protests and questions, Ranma and Faith quickly escorted the vampire back to the motel, missing running into Buffy's patrol by mere seconds.


End file.
